“The end of all things is near.  Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.”

~1 Peter 4:7~

I have confessed on a few different occasions in my journal entries that I am a perfectionist.  Before chronic illness struck my life, I thought I could run the world.  The more plates spinning, the better.  I was always on the go, and I sought out personal validation by how much I could do and how well I could do it.  I’d like to say that as the headaches became more chronic my evaluation of my life became more realistic.  Unfortunately, for quite some time I just pushed even harder to stay in the rat race.  I couldn’t fathom that God desired to “take me out of the game” so to speak.  Unless I was out there physically “working” as hard, if not harder, than everyone else, He couldn’t possibly be pleased with me.  I mean, we were created in Christ Jesus to do good works, right?  (Ephesians 2:10)

Things really started to unravel about 6-7 years ago.  We searched and searched for the source of my pain, trying every different form of treatment, medication, testing, etc., that is known to man (well, maybe not every one….but plenty!).  We spent thousands of dollars on doctors, procedures, supplements and prescriptions, and traveled out of state on a number of occasions to seek out the most knowledgeable in the field.  Our marriage was in serious turmoil.  I couldn’t keep up with the basic demands of life and I was in a constant state of anger and defeat.  I was guilt ridden by the thoughts of how this illness was affecting my family.  I thought surely this had to be my fault, and not only were the people in my life utterly disappointed with me, but God must be as well. 

I gradually began to cut activities out of my life.  I stopped working.  I was increasingly protective of my time, knowing that with such limited physical resources, I had to be very careful about when and where I spent my energy.  For a person who found her value in how much she was able to accomplish in a day, that was a miserable place to be.  It felt like my worth had been cut out from under me.  If God didn’t want me out on the front lines, He must not see me as a valuable asset to His kingdom. 

God gave me a deep hunger for His Word beginning in my mid-twenties.  Hunger for God’s Word is not like physical hunger….you can’t feed on it for awhile and be satisfied.  The more you take in, the more you want.  I am so grateful that He planted that desire in my heart at that time, because I don’t think I could have survived without that foundation.  In the midst of my extreme discouragement, I remember reading a verse in the book of 1 Peter that seemed to penetrate right into my heart.  The Spirit of God was communicating through Peter, telling the people not to allow the activity in their culture to distract them.  Now that they belonged to Christ, they needed to live according to the will of God and not man. 

“For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do”…..”They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you.”….”The end of all things is near.  Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.”

~1 Peter 4:2-7~

Now, if you read the context of these verses, Peter is referring to some pretty extreme immoral “pagan” behavior.  I wasn’t living in blatant immoral sin at that time.  But I was allowing my mind to be deceived into thinking that busyness = godliness.  At that moment, I felt overwhelmed by the realization that God had used my physical ailments to pull me out of a vicious downward spiral.   In my attempts to “gain the world”, I was forfeiting the very plan and provision of God for my life (Luke 9:25).  The “good works” that He had “prepared in advance for me to do” were to be clear minded, self-controlled, and consumed with prayer. 

God’s Word is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12).  The heavens are open, and He speaks directly to each individual heart through the unfolding of His eternal Word by the discernment of His Spirit (Psalm 119:130, 1 Corinthians 2:6-16). I took those Words to heart that day.  I knew that God’s greatest desire was that I focus all of my energy on knowing Him and His Word intimately. 

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

~Romans 12:2~

My perceptions of the world around me began to change.  Activities that I normally would have felt compelled to participate in began to seem superficial and unnecessary.  “For you have spent enough time doing what the pagans choose to do.”  Not that those things were bad in and of themselves, but for me specifically, they were distractions from the enemy…trying to prevent me from receiving what God had prepared for me. 

My prayer life exploded.  I began to understand what it truly meant to “wrestle in prayer” (Colossians 4:12).  God has put such a burden on my heart for certain situations and people that at times it is physically exhausting.  My wholehearted trust in His Word and His promises are just one of the many “fruits” of this labor with my Lord.  He is continually opening doors for me to proclaim and encourage others with the same Truth that He firmly established in me.  What an amazing God!  What an unfathomable privilege!  I am in awe of the grip He has on my life, and I proclaim in agreement with the words of King David,

“Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?”

~2 Samuel 7:18~

I don’t think there is a minute that goes by when I am not meditating on God or communicating with God.  The depth in my relationship with Him has increased in astounding ways through my excessive communion with Him through His Word and through prayer.  I have also come to know that God loves me and accepts me completely…not because of how well I perform for Him, but because I threw all of my pitiful efforts at the foot of the cross and have come to the place where I allow Him to do His works through me. 

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.”

~Galatians 2:20~

Whether Christ returns today, or a thousand years from now, I stand in the full assurance that He will receive me with open arms.  I am perfectly loved by the only One who can love perfectly.

“God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.  In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have the confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.  There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

~1 John 4:16-18~

I often hear people say, “Well, I guess the only thing we can do is pray.”  WHAT????  The armies of heaven are dispatched when the children of God hit their knees!!  Prayer is not the last resort when all of our resources have been exhausted….after all of our best efforts have failed.  Prayer is the source of all power.  Mountains crumble by the power of prayer.  Lives are transformed by the power of prayer.  God does the unthinkable when He finds people who are willing to seek Him above all things and believe that He is able.

“Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O LORD.  Renew them in our day, in our time make them known.”

~Habakkuk 3:2~

The God of the universe desires to display His power in our generation, but how many of us are willing to get off the hamster wheel long enough to be still and know that He is God and we are not? ((Psalm 46:10) How many of us will go to Him with unwavering faith and unlock the doors to divine provision?

I heard a pastor speaking about the power of prayer on the Focus on the Family radio program yesterday (My House Shall Be a House of Prayer, 2/26/09).  What an amazing message…..such a powerful testimony of God’s work among a congregation of prayer warriors.  I encourage you to go hear it for yourself, and then seek the face of the One who wants to do the same in your midst. 

“So I say to you:  Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

~Luke 11:9-10~